GUSH
by Assilem
Summary: M*A*S*H characters meet the G-boys. Figure it out. Also posted under the Gundam Wing/AC section. Written with my sis.
1. Chapter 1

Neri: Hi!!*waves*  
  
  
  
Assilem: Howdy all! (mock salute)  
  
Neri: Guess what we brought for you!  
  
Assilem: I wanna tell them!  
  
Neri: Um.no.*clamps hand over Assilem's mouth* We brought you a..  
  
Assilem: (bites Neri's hand) Like I said we brought you a.  
  
Neri: THAT HURT!!!!!!!!!  
  
Assilem: I KNOW I BIT U!!  
  
Neri:Owwww.okay. You tell 'em.  
  
Assilem: We brought u a HOTDOG!! Just kidding what did we bring them?  
  
Neri: A crossover fic. M*A*S*H meets Gundam Wing.  
  
Assilem: Right, it's set after Frank runs away, before Radar leaves and Margaret is divorcing Donald. (And for u who don't know who they are I'll explain.)  
  
Neri: NO! Please don't! They can figure it out.  
  
Assilem: Otay.  
  
Neri: It's OKAY!!!!  
  
Assilme: NO! OTAY! BUT HERE WE GO. FOR A SPOONFUL OF SUGAR HELPS.  
  
Neri: NNOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Assilem: Otay, enjoy u all.  
  
The M*A*S*H 4077th World  
  
As BJ Hunnicut laid on his cot, his roommate Hawkeye was pouring some drinks.  
  
"We need more women!" Hawkeye complained handing BJ a martini.  
  
"Naw, we need something exciting to happen." BJ complained dropping his Martini glass on himself.  
  
"That was a perfect Martini.. You, you, you, martini killer you." Hawkeye said with a smile handing him another glass.  
  
The Gundam Wing Universe  
  
"Oooh! Pretty lights!" Duo exclaimed, following the others into the doctor's lab.  
  
"I wonder what they all do," Quatre said, looking around as the other pilots wandered aimlessly through the heaps of complicated machinery and panels. Duo wandered over to a panel just in front of a very large circle (Neri: Who knows what THAT does?)  
  
"Hey! Look't this!" he called to everyone  
  
"What is it?" Trowa asked, coming to stand next to him. Duo shrugged.  
  
"Dunno. Let's find out!" he suggested excitedly as he stared pushing random buttons.  
  
"Duo, do you really think that's such a good idea?" Quatre asked worriedly. Duo grinned at him and continued to push buttons. Heero and Wufei wandered over to the circle, walking around it, examining. Suddenly, the center of the circle filled with rapidly changing scenes  
  
"Cool." Duo breathed, walking around the panel, Trowa and Quatre behind him. All five pilots stood in front of the random scenes, watching. Slowly, Duo reached out a hand and placed it against the picture. His hand slid through, pulling him and the others inside.  
  
Unknown  
  
Cora Masters and Justine Kings are standing and staring at a screen, then both said in unison,  
  
"AH CRAP! They've done it again!"  
  
"Why do people from that time ALWAYS screw things up?" Justine whined.  
  
"'Cause they're Jackasses, why else?" Cora commented playing with a pin.  
  
"Guess we gotta fix it now." Justine sighed getting to her feet.  
  
"Better ask Shan about it." Cora replied standing as well. "Even though I don't wanna." Cora whined in an annoying voice.  
  
"Neither do I, so shut up!" Justine said as they walked off.  
  
M*A*S*H 4077th  
  
Hawkeye and BJ are showering.  
  
"Row, row, row your boat!" BJ sang at the top of his lungs.  
  
"Gently down the stream!" Hawkeye continued at the top of his lungs.  
  
"Merrily, merrily, merrily, life is but a dream!" They both finished. Just as they finished the Gundam boys fell into their shower.  
  
"Hawk there seems to be men in my shower." BJ said.  
  
"I think you're right Beej, there are men in our shower." Hawkeye commented.  
  
"Oopps." Duo said guiltily.  
  
"MAXWELL!" Wufei shouted jumping to his feet. Duo scrambled to his feet and ran to hide behind BJ.  
  
"Hide me!" Duo pleaded.  
  
"Okay, why?" BJ asked curiously.  
  
"Beej, I think it's time to get out." Hawkeye said just as Margaret walked in. "Never mind."  
  
"Pierce!" Margaret said sternly. The noticing the others she added, " Who are these men?"  
  
"Hey there, pretty lady." Duo greeted her, venturing out from behind BJ.  
  
"Who are you father?" Margaret asked noticing his attire.  
  
"Huh?" Duo asked. "Oh, I'm not a priest lady. Long story though. Name's Duo Maxwell. This is Heero Yuy, Trowa Barton, Quatre Rababa Winner, and Chang Wufei, but just call him Wu-man!" Duo said cheerily, gesturing to each pilot in turn. Wufei bristled with anger. (Neri: the Wu-man thing makes him mad.)  
  
"Okay, I'm Hawkeye and this is BJ, and this lovely young lady is Margaret Houlihan Penobscott. Too bad she's married eh." Hawkeye said with a teasing smile and a twinkle in his eyes.  
  
"Pierce!" Margaret yelled with a twinkle in her eyes, that could only be seen if you look.  
  
"Where are we?" Heero asked suddenly.  
  
"Korea, you know where the war is." BJ said taking a bar of soap and his razor and started to shave his face.  
  
"Um.Last I checked, we were in space. Right guys?" Duo asked, creeping out from behind BJ and walking over to his friends.  
  
"Hn." Heero and Trowa coursed.  
  
"You're right Duo," Quatre said. "We were in space."  
  
"Great!" Duo cried. "Now the question is how did we get here?"  
  
"Um. Okay. Margaret I think its time to call Sydney. Would you pass me my towel please." Hawkeye stated.  
  
"Oh my god!" Duo screamed completely oblivious to Hawkeye's statement. "We're stuck on Earth with now way to get home!"  
  
"Why do you say that?" Quatre asked concertedly.  
  
"Well, obviously this is NOT out time!" He exclaimed, then turned to Hawkeye and BJ. "Lemme guess. No space travel right?"  
  
Both boys bust out in laughter. Between fits of laughter BJ was able to say, "Are you kidding it's 1953!"  
  
"B.C. right?" Duo asked attempting to confirm his suspicions.  
  
"Um.AD." Margaret answered. "After the death of Christ."  
  
"Thought so, Before Colony." Duo said, then turned to his fellow pilots again. "There you have it. We're stuck in the past with now way to get home. And just to make it even better, there's a freakin' WAR! We're doomed," He told them calmly.  
  
"THE INJUSTICE!" Wufei shouted angrily.  
  
"Not another war." Quatre said quietly dropping to the ground and hugging his knees to his chest. "We just had a war. No. Can't have another one." He went on. Trowa placed a reassuring hand on his shoulder.  
  
"One question lady, why are you here?" Duo asked raising an eyebrow at Margaret being in the men's shower.  
  
"Well I forgot." Margaret confessed.  
  
"I think you just wanted to see us in our babeing suits." BJ teased.  
  
"Um.maybe you two should put some clothes on." Duo suggested just realizing both men were naked. Hawkeye and BJ looked at each other.  
  
"Naw!" they said in unison.  
  
"Put some clothes on!" Margaret ordered. "Pierce meet me in my tent in twenty minutes!"  
  
"Tent?" Duo asked suggestively grinning.  
  
"Tent," Hawkeye said. "Say Margaret what are we gonna do?"  
  
"Play doctor nurse?" Duo suggested.  
  
"How'd you know?" Hawkeye asked genuinely surprised.  
  
"It was a guess." Duo told him, equally surprised.  
  
"Can I have my bathrobe?" BJ asked. Trowa went over to the pegs on the wall and picked up both bathrobes. He took them over to BJ and Hawkeye and held them out to them. Noticing Margaret was still there Duo said,  
  
"Lady"  
  
"It's Major." Margaret corrected him.  
  
"Okay Major Lady." Duo continued.  
  
"Major Houlihan." She corrected again.  
  
"Okay Major Houlihan Lady." Duo said.  
  
"Drop the lady." She ordered. Duo hung his head and stared at the ground.  
  
"Yes ma'am." He said "Lady." He added under his breath  
  
"He's one of us!" BJ exclaimed.  
  
"This calls for a drink!" Hawkeye added.  
  
"Drink?" Duo asked staring at the two.  
  
"The still. Come with us." BJ added as they all walked out of the showers, while Wufei and Trowa carried Quatre between them. 


	2. Chapter 2

Neri: Welcome back!!!!!!!  
  
Assilem: Neri and I are sure glad to be back.but we forgot something we should have put in last chapter!  
  
Neri: So here it is.  
  
Disclaimer: We own neither Gundam Wing nor M*A*S*H. They are owned by their respective companies. Seeing as we make no money off this, there is no point in suing us. Besides, we're poor. However, we do own our original characters, aside form Shan, who is owned by Shan.  
  
Assilem: Sorry for the wait, I know its been awhile, but we've been busy.  
  
Neri: Actually, we've been procrastinating. And now Assilem's lost our paper, so we gotta make it up as we go along.  
  
Assilem: Sure blame it on me! You should know better then to give me anything I can loose! So bite your tongue!  
  
Neri: Make me!!! Nevermind, on with the story!  
  
Shan: No, wait! Don't start the story without me! I'm impoooortantttt!!!  
  
Korea  
  
"Well Hawk, I think it's been more than 20 minutes."  
  
"Yeah well, I already saw Margaret. Remember when one of my patients got a fever a couple of hours ago? Well, I talked with her. But I told her I would migrate back later on. And seeing as our guests have passed out, I do believe I'm going to go play doctor," Hawkeye said with a sly smile. " Bye bye Beej."  
  
"Bye Hawk," BJ smiled, lying on his cot with a letter.  
  
Standard Space Patrol Station.  
  
"Shaan, why does Jay get to keep her hair, but I have to cover my ears and belly-button?" Cora Masters whined as she looked at herself in the mirror.  
  
" 'Cause Jay will hurt me if I make her get rid of it," Shannara (AKA. Shaan) Harper replied as she checked to make sure none of her pink hair was showing.  
  
"S'right," Justine Kings, better known as Jay, laughed. "Besides, this is all your fault."  
  
"What? Your hair? It's not my fault you have blue hair!"  
  
"Yes it is," her three companions chimed. Cora frowned and stuck out her tongue at Jay.  
  
"Cora, baby, it'll be fine," David Munro, the Hawkeye look-alike, assured his fiancee.  
  
"Davie-boy, shut up. Cora, stop whining. Shaan, you ready? Good, let's go!" Jay ordered, ushering her teammates out.  
  
Korea.  
  
"My head is killing me!" Duo moaned, opening his eyes and squinting against the day's sun. He received grunts and moans of acknowledgment and consent from his four fellow pilots around the tent.  
  
"Well, it's about time you guy's got up!" BJ laughed.  
  
"What time is it?" Quatre asked, burying his face in his arms.  
  
"About 2 o'clock in the after noon. Why?" Hawkeye responded.  
  
"Just wondering."  
  
"Hawkeye! Hawkeye!" Radar yelled as he ran into the Swamp. The five extremely hung-over boys moaned at the sudden, and very loud, interruption of the silence.  
  
"What is it Radar?" BJ asked.  
  
"Sirs! We're getting personnel! A surgeon, a nurse, a corpsman and that person who gives the patients the gas."  
  
"An anesthesiologist." Heero corrected quietly.  
  
"Yeah one of them! Klinger just went to pick them up!"  
  
"Do you know who they are Radar?" BJ asked.  
  
"Ah, yeah. A Captain C Masters, surgeon; Lieutenant J Kings, nurse; Sergeant D Munro, anisilologist, and Lieutenant S Harper, corpsman."  
  
"Wonder what the first initials stand for." Hawkeye asked as he poured himself and BJ a drink.  
  
"C for Colin or Cole maybe, J for Jennifer, D, D can be for David and maybe S is for Sam or Santa?" BJ announced proudly.  
  
"'Santa' huh?" Hawkeye raised an eyebrow.  
  
"It's possible!"  
  
"Hey Heero?" Duo asked, nudging the other boy with his foot.  
  
"Hn?"  
  
"Wasn't J the name of-"  
  
"Yeah," Heero replied. "It was."  
  
"Sure why not. Radar, why are they coming?" Hawkeye asked.  
  
"On temporary assignment, before they get shipped home or something, Sparky said that they need to get some decorations or something, and they've been to all the M*A*S*H's around Korea. Enemy ones too!"  
  
"Wow, they sure get around."  
  
Kimpo. HQ  
  
As Shaan, David, Cora and Justine impatiently sat and waited for their ride, Klinger walked in.  
  
"Are you headed for the 4077th M*A*S*H?"  
  
"That we are. I'm Captain Cora Masters." Cora greeted offering her hand. Klinger accepted and looked at the others.  
  
"Oh this is Lieutenant Shanara Harper, we call her Shaan, Lieutenant Jay Kings, and Sergeant David Munro."  
  
"Pleasure." Klinger said as he shook everyone's hand. "Can I help you with your bags?"  
  
"Don't bother. David and Jay got in under control. Don't'cha?" Cora asked David as she flashed him a sweet smile.  
  
"Yes." With that David gave Cora a quick kiss, and Jay hit him over the head. "Okay ow! Jay, I'm engaged to her!"  
  
"You two are engaged?" Klinger asked as they climbed into the jeep.  
  
"Yeah. See." Cora showed him her left hand which held a silver ring with a diamond shaped heart, with a pink heart in that and a ruby in that heart.  
  
"Wow! That's nice." Klinger exclaimed. Shan bent over and stared at it.  
  
"Yeah. You could get three hundred for it, at the least on the market." Cora glared and shoved her hand in her pocket.  
  
"What? I never said I'd sell it." Shaan stated, mildly.  
  
"So where ya all from?"  
  
"From? Oh um, I'm from Maine." Cora quickly replied.  
  
"Really? One of our surgeons is from Maine, what city?"  
  
"Um.Crabapple Cove, yeah Crabapple Cove." Cora stumbled to think of a small town.  
  
"No kiddin'? that's where he's from. Name is Hawkeye Pierce, maybe you know him."  
  
"I don't think so, I moved to Oklahoma when I was little."  
  
"Oh. What about the rest of you?"  
  
"Well Jay is from.Mill Valley, California," Cora supplied for the rest of them. "Shaan's from."  
  
"Tennessee. Can't you hear my accent?"  
  
"You sound British." Klinger blinked.  
  
"That's right." Klinger opened his mouth, about to say something and then thought better of it.  
  
"David's from.Ottummwa, Iowa," Cora continued, pointedly ignoring Shaan's jokes.  
  
"No kidding," Klinger laughed. "That's where our company clerk is from."  
  
Cora swore under her breath and turned to look apologetically at her friends, promptly receiving a death glare from Jay.  
  
"How long until we get there?" Cora asked, turning back to Klinger with a wince.  
  
"A couple hours," Klinger replied.  
  
"This is going to be a lo~ong drive," Shaan muttered.  
  
M*A*S*H 4077th  
  
Klinger honked repeatedly as he drove into the compound, causing people to come running out of various tents and buildings to greet the new personal.  
  
"What a warm welcome!" Cora exclaimed as people swarmed around the jeep when it stopped. There was a lot of hand shaking and ecstatic greetings from the people around them. Jay managed to keep people away from her by issuing death glares to anyone who got to close to her. She reached over and nudged Cora, signaling to her that they should be getting down to business. They were after all, just passing through. Their mission was to get in, get the time hopping boys, and get out. Simple job for their last mission together, their last mission at all. Cora ignored Jay's nudging, causing the blue-haired agent to give her friend a good smack to the back of the head.  
  
"Hi there!" Came Hawkeye's voice as he walked up to the jeep.  
  
"Hi," Cora said with a smile. She looked at this man in front of her and stared for a moment, completely lost in thought. "It's a pleasure to meet you. I'm Cora Masters."  
  
"Hawkeye Pierce. And it's a great pleasure to meet you." With that he kissed her hand, then promptly received a blow to the head with Jay's foot. "OWWW!"  
  
"Jay what the hell was that bout? I mean for in the name of the devil, what was that for?" Cora demanded as Jay just gave a grunt. Shaan and David just sighed.  
  
"Um, hi, where can we find the commanding officer?" Shaan asked Potter.  
  
"Well I'm the CO here." Potter replied.  
  
"OH good! Can we use your office? We need an emergency staff meeting." Cora said walking towards Potter holding Hawkeye's hand, which was on his head.  
  
"And you are?"  
  
"Captain Cora Margaret Marilyn Masters, surgeon extrodinare, at your service." Cora greeted pleasantly. "And this my lovely comrades, please sir, I've grown up in the military, and I have a mission to complete."  
  
"All right. KLINGER!" Potter bellowed.  
  
"Yes your colonelness?" Klinger replied.  
  
"Gather the senior staff. We'll meet in my office in five minutes."  
  
"Okay thank you Colonel." David said.  
  
"Masters, you will be bunking with Major Houlihan, Munro and Kings with the Doctors and Harper can have the VIP tent. Radar should already have your bags in the tents. I'll see you in five minutes." Jay spun around and looked for her bags, growling when she saw they were no longer there.  
  
"Get over it Jay," Shaan ordered.  
  
"I aint bunking with guys," Jay muttered to her best friend. Shaan laughed.  
  
"It's your own fault they think you're a guy," she said. "You should learn to look more like a girl."  
  
"Shuddup," Jay mumbled, glaring. 


End file.
